By Adrian Furnham
The “season to be jolly” is once more looming, and with it comes the uncomfortable sensation that one really ought to start considering what gifts to buy for one’s nearest and – perhaps – dearest. Fortunately, Adrian Furnham is here to offer us some timely perspective on the subject.
Christmas is a festival of considerable religious and social complexity. It is a time of ambiguity, inconsistency and, some would say, hypocrisy. Christians fill their homes with pagan symbols, and shoppers discuss the real meaning of Christmas. It is a time of excess, stress, and family pressure – and many business opportunities – all around the world.
It is not clear whether murders and suicides are more frequent at Christmas, although it is popularly believed to be the case. Being cooped up with relatives with whom one does not get on and fuelled by booze all day can certainly can lead to murderous thoughts. Similarly, extra financial demands, together with the community and family spirit of Christmas, can alienate and isolate people who have neither.
For some people, the festival is so problematic that they go abroad to try to escape it. However, as many discover, it is difficult to avoid the festival even in avowedly non-Christian countries
The Business of Christmas
It is agreed that we spend a lot more over the Christmas period than in the rest of the year, but there is disagreement on how much we spend and even how long the “Christmas Period” lasts. For example, a 2020 report from the Bank of England noted that, while a typical UK household usually spends ~£2,500 a month in total, spending in December rises by 29 per cent, an additional £740. Normally, UK citizens’ biggest non-food retail expenses are clothing and footwear (10 per cent) and furniture (3.5 per cent), while books, alcohol, music, and electronic devices together make up less than 2 per cent of annual expenses. However, during December, spending on books doubles, music almost doubles (+95 per cent), electronic devices rises by more than half (+63 per cent), but trade and DIY equipment such as paint and hardware reduces by 21 per cent.
Data and research by Aviva of 2,000 consumers in 2023 found that the British spend an extra £1,565 at Christmas. This bill is split across socialising and partying (£355), travelling and holidays (£320), and gifts (£247). About half of people (49 per cent) have accessible money in their current account for the festivities, while 21 per cent of people will be using savings. The remainder will be hoping that their Christmas funds come from loved ones or work.
Aviva surveys also asked people how they felt about Christmas. Of those who were Christmas fans, the most popular parts of Christmas were the food (66 per cent) and spending time with family (65 per cent), with buying presents for others only liked by 49 per cent, and receiving gifts from others rated even lower at 34 per cent. More highly rated were aspects of Christmas culture such as decorating the house 44 per cent, feeling nostalgic 38 per cent, and seeing children excited 35 per cent.
American data are not that different. Based on GoBankingRates and YouGov statistics, US households spent an average of $998 over Christmas in 2021. Similarly, data from the WorldRemit 2022 Cost of Christmas study showed that the Lebanon and Canada pay the most for Christmas. Lebanese households paid the highest compared to the monthly income ($2,058; +688 per cent), while Canada paid the highest total amount ($2,100).
Who spends most on Christmas? Data from Enterprise Today show that, on average, men spend 10 per cent more on holiday purchases than women, which in the US at the time accounted for $94. Data from Enterprise Today also reported that US millennials plan to spend the most on holiday gifts ($855), edging out Gen X ($832) and baby boomers ($769), and far exceeding Gen-Z spending ($558).
The UK cooks around 10 million turkeys every Christmas, one for about every seven people. Brussels sprouts in the vegetable section see a festive boom, with 25 per cent of the year-wide sales being in the two weeks approaching Christmas.
From the whole meal itself and what gets left uneaten, we end up throwing away 230 million tonnes of waste, including 7.5 million mince pies and 740,000 portions of Christmas pudding. This is the equivalent food weight of 30 blue whales.
Beyond food, Peak AI reports that, on average, people in the UK take their first sip of their festive alcoholic drink at 11:07 on Christmas Day.
Stock markets also tend to do well during Christmas time, although it is debated whether this is truly due to Christmas boosting the economy, or whether more investment decisions are made towards the end of the year.
Christmas is an important time for marketeers. With Christmas being the season of giving, many companies invest in their marketing to attract festive customers. In 2023, UK companies spent a record £9.5 billion on advertising in the Christmas season, an increase of around 5 per cent from the previous year’s £9 billion, partly because half of UK adults (48 per cent) say that Christmas adverts inspire gift ideas. This year, Christmas ad spending is projected to again be a record-breaking £10.5 billion, an approximately 10 per cent increase from last year. Indeed, 59 per cent of UK adults love Christmas ads, and customer approval is at the highest it has ever been.
Festive cheer is good for our charity organisations, too. The season of giving puts people in the mood to give to people they know and people they do not. Work for Good and many others call this the “December Effect”. According to UK fundraising research, more than 7 in 10 people planned to donate to charity causes in 2023, with popular causes being children’s charities (50 per cent), homelessness (43 per cent), and health (30 per cent). Moreover, 42 per cent say they are more likely to give money over the Christmas period than the rest of the year. Sadly, though, it seems that the cost-of-living crisis in the last couple of years has slowed charity spending and donations, even if people are more empathetic with others’ troubles. Yet charity shops have benefited from a change to how people spend their money.
Gift-Giving Psychology
But what of the mystery of Christmas? There are three big mysteries: first, the Virgin Birth; second, how Father Christmas gets down the (non-existent) chimney; and third, what on earth to buy for your wife?
Gift-giving, in any society, is a way of consolidating important (and not-so-important) relationships. A gift is a symbol of commitment; accepting a gift symbolically indicates a willingness and obligation to continue a relationship with the gift-giver. More significant gifts usually symbolise greater commitment by both giver and receiver.
Yet gift-giving is dictated by a complex set of rules and behaviours: subtle dynamics of reciprocity and obligations, psychological and economic debts, and understanding and obeying rules and conventions. What makes a gift special is the ability of the giver to show that they really know the recipient – the characteristics that make us uniquely valuable.
Gifts show, rather than tell, others what you think about them, so it is important to be sufficiently socially aware to know what to give to whom and when, to have confidence in your taste, and to know that your motives will be interpreted correctly.
Socially, women still take more responsibility for Christmas shopping and gift-wrapping, and give more gifts in their own names, than do men. But men give twice as many substantial gifts and many fewer token gifts than females. Young, unattached men often view giving gifts as “fiscal foreplay”; however, there is a strict sliding scale of the value and size of the gift in relation to the stage of the relationship. Too expensive a gift too early in the relationship can feel like a sexual bribe, while small, cheap, inappropriate gifts well into the relationship can be the sign of an insensitive cheapskate.
The Ideal Gift
A gift is the outward manifestation of understanding. The better that people know each other, in terms of values, personality, humour, and hopes, the more special and subtler they can be in choosing the perfect gift. A perfect gift is the one the recipient really wants, enjoys, and appreciates, and possibly would not buy for themselves. Above all, it shows the depth of understanding which the giver has for them.
Ideal gifts are those which are still treasured after many years. The perfect gift is wanted, needed, deserved, and appreciated. It has to be chosen very thoughtfully and carefully.
Cost vs Value
There is no relationship, however, between the cost of a gift and the extent to which it is liked or preferred. The best predictor of how much a gift is appreciated is the amount of time and mental and physical effort put into choosing, making, or preparing it.
Christmas presents can be simply categorised by two factors: sentiment and substance. “Sentiment” refers to carefully personally chosen (even handmade) presents, as opposed to mundane, everyday gifts such as appliances or catalogue items. “Substance” refers to how substantial (usually in terms of cost) the gift is.
People cite “high sentiment, low substance” as the ideal gift. An example is the handmade gift of a child. A well-chosen comic gift that reflects a common experience between the giver and recipient may also fall into this category. At the other extreme is the low-sentiment, high-substance gift, where the poor relationship overwhelms the substantial object and sours the gift exchange. Gifts to in-laws often fall into this category, where monetary value and effort are expended to clear the giver’s conscience and save face.
In a continuing romantic relationship, sentiment is high and the expectations are usually that substance should also be significant. Jewels, expensive clothing, or personalised gifts that require time and insight are expected. These gifts serve as beacons to the future of the relationship or touchstones to its past. Both parties expect these gifts to be retained as mementoes and possibly heirlooms.
Finally, there is low sentiment with low substance. Examples are gifts put in the office pool; these are blindly given and blindly received. The lack of personalisation reduces them to generic gifts. They are frequently recycled into other “grab bag” events.
Does the value of a gift reflect the degree of affection? If the giver has little money, the answer is yes. But if the giver is wealthy, it is harder to tell. Some sociologists have talked about commodity noise; if you have the means to buy everything and it is all available to you, a small-gift message may be lost. One solution is to increase the number of signals in the hope that the repetition will ensure that the message is received loud and clear. Giving multiple gifts may thus be a means of ensuring that a message concerning the recipient’s significance to the donor is received and properly understood.
The Rules of Giving
An important rule of giving is reciprocity in approximate worth, exchanging gifts of roughly the same monetary value. Gifts can be an important source of dominance, particularly if one party cannot reciprocate. As the proverb has it: “Small gifts make friends, great ones make enemies.” Occasionally, adults can embarrass each other by the generosity of the present and so (often quite deliberately) incur a debt.
Some families and groups of friends are ingenious about placing a limit on how much is spent on gifts; for example, no gift is to cost more than £50. Another way is to designate certain gifts, such as confectionery or gift tokens, as undesirable. Many organisations that allow a “surprise gift” (“Secret Santa”) ritual put a limit on the cost – say £20.
Acceptance and Rejection
To accept a gift is (at least in part) to accept the identity it imposes. But gifts fortunately can be rejected, or at least exchanged. Gifts can be rejected because they are perceived as unfriendly acts. Thus, a giver may express contempt by presenting one individual with a gift that is inferior to those openly given to others.
Gifts may have symbolic qualities – a gold watch for “good riddance”, travel luggage encouraging a long journey. Hint-type presents may be rejected – deodorants for those with odour problems, cosmetics for those with bad skin, a watch for the habitually late.
Many “joke” presents are of this kind. Joke gifts may reflect a rather insecure relationship as well as a hint. But gifts may be an expression of guilt about neglect shown over a year or more, or attempt to compensate for some other deficit, such as woeful inattentiveness. Gifts make excellent items to use in the atonement of sins, but they can be easily rejected as not being sufficiently compensatory.
Exchanging presents for a more suitable item is another, more acceptable form of rejection. There are so many people returning presents to the stores after Christmas (and clearly not always because the size is wrong) that you might wonder if anybody received a gift they actually want to keep.
Types of Gifts
Broadly, gifts fall into five categories:
1. Gifts with a personal history
Gifts that are nostalgic or a memento of a special time, place, or event are very special. They may be an heirloom or have been owned by a famous person, and acquire a sort of sacred status if carefully restored. They can provide a great sense of family continuity which extends beyond death.
2. Gifts that have taken time and effort
Some gifts, such as handmade items, take considerable time and effort to produce. The hand-carved, sewn, embroidered, or painted item may be of limited monetary value, but of enormous personal value to the recipient. It often represents a great investment of time by the giver.
3. Surprise gifts
The unexpected gift is special and valued precisely because it was not anticipated. The surprise might relate to when the gift is given, how it is given, or by whom. It can lead to the recipient really puzzling about the motive of the giver.
4. Exotic gifts
More and more people are buying gifts from abroad. These gifts can make the recipient feel as if they were being thought of in the absence of the giver and are particularly important for families / girlfriends / boyfriends left behind for business trips, as they strengthen ties in separation. These gifts are difficult to get and have a rarity value and foreign cachet at home, which increases the “special” factor of the gift.
5. Monetary gifts
Nearly all money gifts are given by parents or grandparents to children or grandchildren, which appears to be the only acceptable way to give money. In fact, it accounts for 50 per cent of all gifts received from grandparents. Small money gifts used to be given to dustmen, newspaper boys, milkmen, and postmen in appreciation of their services throughout the year.
There are many reasons why people dislike receiving money as a Christmas gift. No thought has been devoted to choosing a present; cash or a cheque places an explicit monetary value on you and your friendship; money can be used up on general expenses rather than something special; it can seem like a comment on your financial situation; it removes the surprise element involved in receiving a gift. Then there is the time and effort needed to bank the cheque or buy your own gift; money does not reflect the personality of the giver or the receiver; and the value of the present is upfront, unlike a physical gift. If fact, money or gift vouchers represent only half a gift – the monetary value without the thought.
Adrian Furnham
