In business, understanding the difference between hearing and listening is one of the things that makes a great leader. Effective leaders really listen; ineffectual ones let conversation flow around them without absorbing essential information that could ultimately benefit them and the teams they manage. As renowned businessman, educator, and speaker Stephen R. Covey wrote in his bestselling business primer The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, “Most people listen with the intent to reply, not to understand.” Rather than listening fully to the input from others in a conversation, people are busy preparing their own responses. While many of us are guilty of this bad habit, it’s something Jeff Smith, former head of investment giant BlackRock’s global human resources team, says you must conscientiously unlearn and replace with good listening habits if you hope to conduct meaningful interviews, understand employees, and retain top talent.
Human resources has many functions but the two main functions we focus on here are: Hiring new talent that’s the best fit for both the company and the candidate, and creating a conducive environment to best retain that talent once they’re onboard. Effective listening is essential to ensuring optimal outcomes for both endeavors. Yet Jeff Smith contends numerous human resource professionals and members of upper management fall short when it comes to putting effective listening strategies into practice — often to the detriment of company morale and productivity. “Having exceptional leaders and managers is huge for the day-to-day experience and [having] people stay in a company,” says Smith.
Smith believes it’s fundamental for leaders and managers to conduct one-to-one meetings with their direct reports on a regular basis. “It’s critical to provide a forum for people to express their views and to feel a part of the organization,” Smith asserts. “If someone does not have 30 minutes for one of their employees per week, maybe they should not be leading them.”
It’s Not Earplugs; It’s Ego That Keeps Leaders from Listening
However, it’s not enough to simply have the meetings, it’s incumbent on HR managers and team leaders to actually listen to what’s being said to them. The main culprit of leaders not listening is often ego.
“The confidence to know that one can step into novel situations, listen, learn, and make good decisions is as valuable as expertise,” wrote Constance Dierickx, author of Meta-Leadership: How to See What Others Don’t and Make Great Decisions, in a Jan. 25, 2021, feature for Forbes. Dierickx went on to posit that leaders who possess such confidence “have no need to be the smartest, most knowledgeable person in the room because they trust themselves to learn and adapt to new information,” adding that influential leaders are also able to pivot when given new or contradictory information. “Letting go of what one previously relied upon as fact is hard to do, but impossible if the leader relies upon being right as a pillar of self-esteem.”
Leveraging Empathy To Become a Better Listener
“If I were to summarize in one sentence the single most important principle I have learned in the field of interpersonal relations, it would be this: Seek first to understand, then to be understood,” Covey concluded in 7 Habits. Real understanding requires empathy. In an interview, this kind of situational empathy means not only being able to hear what’s being said to you on a factual level, but also being capable of contextualizing the information you receive by putting yourself in the metaphorical shoes of the person speaking.
Jeff Smith reports that empathic listeners are attentive rather than reactive. They listen without interrupting but are still appropriately responsive to what’s been said. Empathic listeners rely on similar or like experiences as points of reference between themselves and speakers, which helps them forge the kind of connections that allow for deeper understanding.
Being present for an interview requires more than just showing up, according to Smith. To be truly present, you must focus on the conversation as fully as you can to the reasonable exclusion of all else. It’s important to minimize external distractions and also to listen to what’s being said as it’s being said rather than strategizing your next pithy comeback while the other person is still talking.
Being present also means being prepared. You should know what ground you want to cover and which objectives you hope to meet prior to any interview. Whether they’re a potential hire or a longtime employee coming in for a performance evaluation or to discuss a work-related issue, familiarize yourself as much as you can about the person you’re meeting with and any relevant situation beforehand. Paying attention to detail in this manner signals what the person speaking to you says matters to you and, in fact, that they matter to you.
Jeff Smith Explains How Putting People at Ease Opens the Door to True Insights
Jeff Smith says two of the biggest deterrents to a true exchange of information during an interview he’s witnessed over the course of his career are the tendency to overthink outcomes and the tendency to try to put on a good show to impress or one-up the other person. “I am a believer in being yourself,” Smith declares.
Smith notes that too much overthinking can lead to a lack of authenticity for the interviewer and the person being interviewed. “An interview should not be a performance either way,” he maintains. “The more both parties can assess the fit, the better for the long term.”
One interview tactic that may not be productive is the “gotcha question.” While putting someone on the spot may showcase their ability to think on the spot, it’s also a way to put up defensive walls that can inhibit the flow of vital information. “I am very conversational in my interviews,” Smith explains. While he has a set of five or six things he plans to assess during a given conversation (competencies, past experiences), Smith’s goal is to create a flow and put people at ease. He wants them to feel comfortable, not as if someone’s out to trick them.
Rather than jumping right into the questions on his agenda, Smith prefers to take a little time to chat about things not necessarily related to the interview. Keeping things light in the beginning decreases tension and notches back the urge to put on a performance rather than engage in a substantive dialog. “It may be 10 or 15 minutes before the first question, and I make sure to be a great listener by showing real interest in them and complimenting them and their experience as often as possible.”
Another thing Smith says it’s crucial to make clear from the beginning of any interview is that he’s hoping for a true conversation, not just having someone tell him what they think he wants to hear. “We are looking for a fit in both directions,” he says. “In other words, I care as much that the candidate is evaluating me and my team and organization as we are evaluating them. For it to work, it needs to work both ways.”
Why Being a Great Listener Is Even More Crucial During Difficult Conversations
Jeff Smith’s final word of caution concerns the difficult conversations that must be dealt with as part and parcel of doing business. It’s the hard conversations that require the most careful attention. “Often when people are having difficult conversations, they are so focused on what they’re going to say — and so nervous — they turn off their ears and forget to listen.”
But you won’t accomplish your goal by just marching in, saying what you have to say, and then clamming up or shutting communication down. According to Smith, the most important part of difficult conversations is listening, letting the other person acknowledge what’s been said, and then allowing them to offer a response — “not just say what you want to say and call it a day.”
One trick Smith says that’s always helped him keep even the most uncomfortable conversations flowing is to remember no matter where someone is in the hierarchy, “Ten out of 10 people … are people.” “They’re people just like you. We’re all just trying to live our life and do our best.” If you look at it from that perspective — that the person you’re talking to is just another person — it doesn’t matter what their job title is or how much more experience they might have. The opportunity to open up a whole new world of conversation can be yours for the taking.
