By Lior Arussy
Have you ever experienced something similar to what happened to me years ago when I was growing my company?
I remember sitting in a sleek conference room in Espoo, Finland, barely an hour from Helsinki. The walls were glass, the atmosphere was corporate cool, and I was waiting to meet the president of Nokia. At the time, Nokia was the leader of the mobile phone world, holding a staggering 43 percent of the global market. They were a huge success, an unexpected hero in a land not known for technological leadership.
And here I was about to pitch my ideas to the very top. The weight of that reality hit me hard. Anxiety gripped me, almost paralyzing me in my seat. Did I really have something valuable to say? Who was I compared to the army of top consultants and advisors at Nokia’s disposal? What if he thought my ideas were useless? Worse, what if the president dismissed me outright, not even giving my ideas a second glance frightened?
I had struggled with those anxious thoughts before. No matter how much they troubled me, I never dated to share them with anyone else. Later in my life, I discovered that I wasn’t alone.
In fact, there is a name for this phenomenon: impostor syndrome: the psychological phenomena of a person doubting their skills and accomplishments and living in a state of fear, worried about being exposed as a fraud. Anyone, no matter their career success or skill level, can feel this way.
The worst part is that people who experience impostor syndrome tend to live in a story separated from the facts. They discount their skills and accomplishments and declare them a matter of luck. They will compare themselves to others and see their performance as inferior. If a sign of success appears, they will immediately attribute it to external factors such as luck, help from others, or a one-time event. By doing so, they will reaffirm the broader story they live in, which is that they are not as capable as people believe they are.
The impact of impostor syndrome can be debilitating. But under the impostor story lies a true story ready to be discovered. This is a classic case of living in the wrong version of your real story, a story you didn’t author deliberately. You need to write a new story, one rooted in reality and not emotion. The good news is, there are several tools you can use to rewrite the story.
Impostor Syndrome Distorts the Truth
To start reauthoring your story, you need to be aware of your thoughts and the way they lead you astray. You need to catch those thoughts as soon as they emerge and then realize how they are affecting you. Be in the moment and call impostor syndrome what it is. Don’t just try to dismiss thoughts of being a fraud, but label them for what they are and push back.
To overcome or reduce impostor syndrome, ask yourself the following questions:
- What skills and experience do you possess that are relevant to the role you’re doing?
- What impact do you make on people when you execute this task?
- What feedback have you received that is relevant to doing this role better?
- What tools or assistance would help you deliver this role better?
- In what ways can you meet or exceed the objectives of the role?
- What can you do to reduce the risk of failure?
- Why do you think you may fail more than others? (You won’t!)
The more you focus on execution and being equipped to get the job done, the more you will divert the anxiety associated with impostor syndrome into productive channels of success. Instead of spiraling into self-doubt, you can begin to see your role and impact clearly.
Your Contributions Are Real – Own Them
Know that your contribution to a project’s achievements and success is real if the facts dictate as much. Recognize that you are a positive addition, even if in a small way, as the right person at the right time to help make the project a success.
If you’re not sure whether you’re contributing, start a list of your inputs at the onset of the project. This can range from project management, to helping shape the vision of the project, to counting the measurable results. Be clear about your additions and do not belittle any piece of them. No contribution is too small. And no, don’t believe your part in the project would have necessarily been brought, seen, or done by others. You saw it. You called it. You did it. This is your real role in this project, your contribution. Every role matters and every job makes a difference to ensure success.
See Yourself Through Others’y Eyes
Instead of just evaluating your skills and accomplishments from your own perspective, review their impact on others. Viewing life through the lenses of the recipients of your work will help provide you with true appreciation of the impact you create. If people are left feeling inspired, delighted, appreciative, motivated, satisfied, and expressing gratitude, then you have touched them. Those expressions are the mirror to your efforts and creativity. They demonstrate the impact you can create and, better yet, will inspire you to keep going.
Look to your customers, colleagues or family members as recipients of your actions, and examine your impact through their eyes and experiences. Seek feedback from them, and specifically ask how your actions affected them. Seeing your success through their eyes can be empowering and enlightening. You will be surprised at how small acts you probably took for granted meant much to others.
Embrace (Don’t Dismiss) the Compliments
When someone is sharing their appreciation, don’t sit there terrified and thinking, “Here comes the ‘but . . .’” Many people tend to dismiss compliments as coming from someone just being courteous who didn’t mean it. That’s not a way to live. If you did something of significance—and remember, significance is in the eye of the beholder—then there is no reason to dismiss a person’s genuine gratitude. Let this gratitude sink in. Embrace it. Absorb it. Let it refuel you and dilute the negative impostor thoughts.
Un-fake It to Become Real
After years of dismissing your power and impact, claiming someone else could have done it just as well, seeing the beauty of your work and discovering the real story hiding behind the mask of negative emotions and low self-esteem is difficult.
One of my favorite tricks that you can employ too is keeping “thank you” emails and reviewing them in times of doubt. They help me to reauthor my story in the moment and gain the power to bring my best to the next challenge.
The impostor story is not the real story of you. It is being authored by default because you are not taking care to author the real narrative. You are discounting aspects of your real story (such as accomplishments and positive feedback) and letting emotions fill in the blanks instead. It is a classic case of listening with a negative listening lens, amplified by the historical listening lens of someone in the past who dismissed your skills and deflated your motivation. Take those lenses out of the story and reshape it to stand on the true facts, which are your skills, your accomplishments, and the feedback you receive from others. Those are the true components of your story that will allow the real you to shine through.
